As in all life interactions, words can get you far when meeting, seducing or keeping women. This is because we relate to one another through conversation and we express ourselves by the language we choose to use.
As the actor Steve Martin once said, “Some people have a way with words, and other people…oh, uh, not have way.” If you want to be the guy who “has a way,” you need to properly talk to women. No, you don’t have to be a philosopher, but good conversational skills are a must!
How can you improve them without having to read an entire library? Simply pay attention to the conversational steps below and the golden rules at the end to “talk her” into you:
Whether you prepare your approach with some flirting or simply act by the three-seconds rule, use a direct opener that will make her notice you and, at the same time, allow her to give a natural response. In another article, I’ve dealt with the power and effectiveness of the simple conversation starter “Hi! My name is…”
However, if you choose another alternative, consider that the best approach means getting her interested and building a superficial trust level — stand in being personal, direct and authentic.
For goodness sake, stay miles away from cheesy lines and overused jokes, and dare to be yourself even if you stumble upon your first words. She’ll appreciate it much more.
OK, your approach was successful, and you’ve moved on to some small talk about the venue/weather/celebrities or whatever. Nicely done — you’ve got her talking.
Now is the time to get her connected, which means that you both need to invest something in order to get more.
So, when the moment feels right, start talking about yourself, and make her do the same. For instance, if you’re chatting about the lighting in a dim bar, you can tell her how this reminds you of a childhood fear of darkness:
When I was about four, my mother made me face my fear. She used to put me in bed, turn off the lights in the house and left me to go to sleep on my own. Nah — it wasn’t that terrible because after a couple of nights, I tucked into bed with my father’s flashlight. It was funny how my mother always took pride in her accomplishment…but never found out the truth.
Then you can ask her about the fears she had.
This type of confession will set the conversation at a friendlier, even intimate level that will allow you to bond. Perhaps she had the same fear (as most kids fear darkness) or a similar one and understands how you must have felt.
The point is to get to know each other at a more personal level. You want to show her that you’re a sensible, attentive and reasonable guy that she can trust in and will have an awesome time with if she gives you a chance.
And if you’re truly having a great time, stick with her the entire night. However, if at some point after getting connected you feel that things are getting stale, and you’d rather back down than go forward, jump to step three.
If step two didn’t work as great, try for a phone number. Send her a cute short text right away. Say something like “It was a pleasure. Sign with your name xx.” In this way, you’ll smooth up your next strike (texting or a phone call).
If step two was wonderful and you seem to be connected at a deeper level, go for the big hit and ask her to join you in another place — for instance, somewhere quieter to continue your discussions or somewhere you can eat. You can also suggest your place directly or show it as a second alternative.
All in all, you’ll only be able to pass through the above three conversational steps as long as you respect her.
Which leads me to…
The fundamental rule of any type of conversation with a woman (any woman, as rude as some really are) is to be polite. By being respectful, you’ll show that you’re educated, able to control yourself and altogether superior.
Apologize if you do slip up. Stay polite even when she rejects you because the world is a small place and words travel fast.
Words are powerful as long as they seem genuine. Bullsh*t won’t get you far. So, give up your generic “sweeteners” for all women in bulk and make some personal, realistic compliments that the girl can accept as real.
Don’t use words you’re not sure of. In your desire to look eminent using a random selection of words, you’ll most probably make a fool of yourself.
Stay simple in terminology and ideas. Everyone appreciates simplicity and coherence over redundancy and confusion.
There’s nothing more unappealing to a woman than a whiner. Stop complaining about various aspects of your life, your job, your bad luck, your past relationships, etc. Nobody wants to hang around grumpy people. Unless you want to drive her away really fast, refrain from showing hostility, dissatisfaction and low spirits.
You have to adopt your conversation to the existing circumstances. For instance, in a club, you’ll want to rely on body language as opposed to talking. So be concise, and get to the point fast.
When in a bar, on the other hand, you’ll largely rely on conversation. Take your time; this is the right place to tell stories and “talk” her into you. Remember that being a good listener and engaging with what she’s saying is always more fruitful.
Over the phone or, even more, when texting, all you’ve got is words.
Take some time to think through what you’re going to say especially during your first interactions.
Now you know how to get her interested into you through conversation. If you follow the steps above, you’ll have a much easier and fruitful time with your next interaction. Good luck!