Things Only Your Best Friends Can Tell You

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Things Only Your Best Friends Can Tell You

There is one person in this big, ridiculous world who can say anything to us. What makes this person different is that he or she isn’t offering “helpful” advice with the actual intent to tear you down.

This person is being harsh in order to help you be your very best self. He or she wants to make your life BETTER and EASIER.

There is no bad intention. There is only the need to show you the way — when you can’t seem to find it by yourself.

Who is this person? Who is the person who can say a bunch of sh*t that would usually cause you to throw a punch?

Your best friends, of course.

Your BFF can say absolutely anything to you, because you know it’s out of love. Saying that you look like Shamu isn’t mean; it’s simply true. You do look like a whale, and you should change outfits for the good of everyone around you.

Yes, some of the things your best friend says might sting. But you know deep down that it’s just a cold, hard dose of reality.

And let’s face it: Your best friend is the only person you listen to, anyway.

Here are things that are okay only if your BFF says them:
That outfit looks like complete sh*t on you.
Your boyfriend is a f*ckboy.
You’ve gained weight.
Or:
You’ve lost too much weight, and it isn’t cute.
You need to apologize.5
You don’t need another shot.
You HAVE to take another shot!
Your anxiety is out of control right now.
Your mom is the one who is responsible for these issues.
Your sister is insane.10I thought you were on a diet.
Are you really going to eat that?
Your life is really a mess, and you need to get your sh*t together.
You can’t pull that outfit off.
If you don’t like your job, stop complaining and do something about it.15You are actin’ a fool, and need to stop.
Your makeup looks atrocious.
I told you so.
He’s just not that into you, so get over it.
I love you, but you are acting crazy on him right now.20You’ve been really distant lately.
You’re actually not good at that thing you love.
You need to take down that horrid selfie you put on Instagram.
It’s time to retire *insert age-inappropriate fashion choice*.
Your breath smells awful. No, seriously. It smells like you pooped in your mouth.25
Please put on deodorant.
You need to go the doctor and have this taken care of.
You’ve been doing too many drugs lately.
You’re a bad influence on that person.
That person is a bad influence on you.30
He’s not right for you.
You’re not that into him, and you’re wasting your time.
Stop putting Band-Aids on your issues, and f*cking deal with them.
It’s time to get a new weave … I can see the tracks.
You need a tan.35
Those horizontal stripes make you look like a beached whale.
You need to stop tanning. Your skin looks like a leather couch.
You need to chill.
Which of course goes with:
YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN.
You need to invest in some anti-aging cream.40
Your highlights look like a squirrel peed on your head.
He is so f*cking ugly. Stop it.
You’re being a b*tch.
Stop talking to your ex; you’re not “just friends.”
You need to get laid immediately.45
You need to drop everything and be here right now, because I NEED YOU.
If you keep f*cking around with this douchelord, you will catch feelings and end up getting hurt.
Your eyes are as red as the devil’s dick and you need to get some Visine stat, amigo.
Drunk calories do count.
You’re chilling with your boyfriend way too much.50
You text like a grandma.
You’re being annoying.
I feel really neglected.
You sound exactly like your mother.
I really can’t help you justify this behavior.55
Your eating habits are F*CKED UP.
You need to stop going out on weekdays. You look like Mr. Hanky, and it’s not even Christmas.
You’re not over him.
You suck at relaitonships.
You’re attempting to explain away this situation and it isn’t working out.60
Stop checking your phone. If he wanted to text you, he would have.
Your feet are GROSS. It is time for a pedi.
You’re addicted to drama.
Your parents are wrong.
You need to figure out what you actually want.65
You farted, and it really smells.
Stop texting me every eight seconds and get a hobby.

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