Losing someone is painful, no matter how long the relationship has lasted. It is disheartening when two people come together, only to break apart. Now, even if you’ve never experienced a breakup, you’ve experienced rejection or loss. To see a relationship or friendship fall apart is always devastating.
However, no one prepares you for the aftermath of this initial breaking apart. No one can ever prepare you for the part where it feels like your life is crumbling around you. Most of the time, the greatest pain comes after goodbye.
All you want is to talk with your former love, but you’ll realize you have nothing left to say. Sure, you could try to speak with him or her, but odds are, that person will ignore you or make excuses.
You realize you’ve lost a valuable connection. This is one of the first pieces to crumble.
This isn’t a time to remember the one you lost. It is a defense mechanism, but in the end, it hurts you even more. You cannot remember (or you refuse to remember) anything about the person you love.
You shut him or her out of your memory, hoping to avoid the pain. However, that pain is just laying in wait.
This one hits you out of the blue. You’re walking down the street, perfectly content. Then, you see a group of friends playing soccer. This reminds you of the time you both played a game of one-on-one that ended in a lot of laughter.
It’s a very fond memory, but the thought of it stings. You long for that day. You long for that kind of carefree happiness.
You long for that person to be back in your life. This one memory triggers a flood of them, and by the end of the day, you’re a mess.
A new tune comes on the radio, and the beat and lyrics remind you of your former lover. You know, without a shadow of a doubt, that if that person were in the car with you, he or she would be explaining how awesome the song is.
All you want to do is tell your former love that you thought of him or her, and that he or she should listen to said song. But you can’t do that.
Suddenly, you can remember a day when you both goofed off during lunch, or that time you were late to practice because you were caught up in conversation.
You see something small that reminds you of a memory. You turn to your side to reminisce with that person. But then, you realize he or she is not there. In fact, he or she hasn’t been there for almost two years.
You can’t speak to your former lover. If you are lucky, you’ll get minimal updates about his or her life through Facebook and Instagram. You’ll see him or her posting pictures with friends you don’t know. He or she will seem happy.
It’s as if he or she is not hurting at all. Your former lover is feeling well enough to go to a club and dance the night away, while you can’t even leave your bed.
All this will lead you to question whether any of it was real or not. Were you crazy? Did you make it all up in your mind? Of course you didn’t. There had to be some sort of basis for your attachment.
Maybe he or she did not feel as strong of a connection as you did. But at some point, somewhere, it had to be real. Even if your former flame was a master manipulator, he or she had to have felt something at some point.
Speaking of those photos with strangers, you’ll look closely and realize the person you thought you knew does not really exist anymore. Sure, he or she probably still has the same morals and overall personality traits, but that person’s dreams would have changed.
That person’s goals have changed. That person’s situations have changed. You’ll stare at a picture of someone you used to know. The only thing is, he or she is years older and slightly different. You’ll want to know that person more than anything, but you won’t get that opportunity.
This might be the most painful part of all. This is the day when you realize that this new version of someone you know may never want to know who you are. You’ll ask yourself if you will ever see him or her in person again, and your answer will be “probably not.”
There is no reason (or desire that you know of) for you both to meet up, and there is only the slight possibility that you’ll both be in the same place at the same time again. You look at that person — who he or she has become — and you’ll have to come to terms with the fact that you’ll probably never know him or her.
This is much harder than anyone will ever express. It was hard enough for you to open up the first time. But now, your wounds have created scar tissue that try to further protect you from heartache. Even saying hello to someone new is difficult.
However, once you slowly open yourself up, you’ll look at someone new. All you’ll see is the person you loved. You can’t shake it.
Then, eventually, you will stop comparing the new person to the person you have lost. Without even realizing it, one day, you’ll slowly and steadily move forward with your life.
No matter who you lost — a boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, father, best friend or sibling — we all can agree that losing someone creates a wound that takes time to heal. Most of the time, we take those scars to our graves.
Nonetheless, we have to be honest with others who are hurting for the first time. We know from experience that the initial breaking away from someone is painful, but it’s not as heartrending as watching someone you love slowly fade away from your life.
We hope we didn’t bring back any negative memories but instead, inspire you to be strong and celebrate the good things in life!
Know the best way to celebrate?! Throw a party with ME!